What’s worse- not knowing what to create, or having so many ideas in your brain throughout the day and not knowing which one to tackle first? Most would probably say the first, and I can definitely say that I’ve been there, done that. My problem ever since entering the workforce has been the latter of the two I’m afraid.

I know I’m not the only one to encounter this burst of creativity when I should be working instead. I will be in the middle of something and have an idea pop into my head suddenly, without warning. I can hardly contain myself, and I typically tend to start doodling in my designated work notebook, which does not look very professional let me tell you.

I think about my idea all day, anxious to get home and let the real work begin- the work I am actually passionate about and really excited for. That’s something that most people probably can’t say- that they’re excited to go to work.

But things get in the way, and when you work full time it’s hard to make yourself get started once you’ve sat down. My schedule is the same throughout the work week: 7 to 4:30 (sometimes 5) I am at work. 30 to 45 minute commute home, then dinner. At this point I am sitting, and I am tired. I have lost momentum, and I have lost my excitement to get to the real work ahead. I more often than not will put it off until tomorrow. Tomorrow I will have more energy. Tomorrow I will be better.

And then tomorrow comes, new ideas with it. But tomorrow I am not always better. Tomorrow unfortunately looks an awful lot like today did. And the ideas- they pile up. They form a haphazard stack in the back of my head, threatening to topple over at any given moment. This leads to an overwhelming feeling of not knowing which idea to pursue first. At this point, there are so many that I am petrified.

To try to alleviate this, I make list upon list of my ideas throughout the day and create a schedule for myself. I know there are full time artists who run successful businesses and they might have a schedule in place to get certain tasks done in a timely manner, but you cannot schedule creativity. You can set aside time for it, you can make yourself draw or paint but that does not mean you are being creative. It means you are practicing a skill set. You are doing what you feel needs to be done. The excitement is gone, and that is what is so damn frustrating to me.

I cannot remember a time where I had an idea and immediately had the opportunity to experiment and play. Because that is what art is to me- it’s not about line or color or technique. It’s about the journey, the process you go through to create something new. It’s about discovering a new side to yourself in each brush stroke, in each hatch mark of a pencil. Thomas Merton said it best: “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” And I so desperately need to do just that.

Thank God for weekends.